This Chapter is Called: An Awakening

It is currently 2:42 am on a Saturday morning (yes, you read that correctly,) and instead of being deep under the covers dreaming presumably of the beach and football season; I’m thinking of how to hit “reset” on my adult life before I turn 30.

Why 30, you ask? Well, it’s a milestone birthday. A new chapter. A great awakening! It’s not the end-all, be-all of course, and for whatever reason, the generation below me thinks this is “old…” However, I see nothing but opportunity.

So, as I sit here listening to The Weeknd’s latest album for what feels like the thousandth time, I think of how to properly say goodbye to this chapter in order to fully embrace the next. Although I don’t turn 30 until December, never too early to prepare.

I started this journey on the internet over a decade ago, wide-eyed and barely knowing what I was doing. But, it was through navigating the worldwide ghetto we call “the internet,” that my passion was discovered and the beginning of it’s cultivation.

What a lot of you may not know about me since it’s been so long ago is that I’m actually a published writer already. I’ve talked about how it’s a goal of mine to have a New York Times Best Seller (and still is if we’re honest,) however, I used to write for a magazine called TLMJ which later rebranded into Vintage Magazine. I was a Beauty & Lifestyle content writer who also curated playlists for our readers. I wrote about it all. From relationships to things that all young adults go through with friendships, situationships, navigating life, being a student; well you get the picture. I was a late teen, younger twenty-something with a voice, a keyboard, and an editor who saw my vision through my words. I’m forever thankful for this opportunity because it proved something to myself that I really could do this writing thing at a bigger level than I ever thought possible for a slightly angsty, but sweet Alabama girl with a certain level of naivety still present in a world that preyed upon that innocence in most.

*One of my most successful magazine entries and the first “Love & Relationships”* *work I ever did.*

Through my writing, social media posts, and the like; I tend to speak on “eras” and “changes” quite often. It’s because I believe that we are ever evolving through life. With each passing day something is gained or lost in a way that further shapes us into the person we are called to truly be once we are “whole” or “complete.” I’m not going to lie to you, part of me lost this vision and broke in 2022 with the lost of my grandmother but was reborn in 2023 with the birth of my daughter. I was reminded of the mission I was given by the Lord while earth-side: to be the best version of myself for me with everything instilled in me by my grandmother (and of course my parents, duh,) in order to be able to pass that confidence and love down to my daughter who was now watching my every move.

Truthfully, the other day I was thinking about this mission and the direction my life is going through, navigating an impending recession and multiple other history-making events due to this government. It really dawned on me that one day, my daughter will be learning about what my early adult life is looking like through Chapter 18 of her history book. Assuming they get it and everything before it right, that is. Y’all know how much these folks like to lie. I’m tired of living through history making, canon events y’all! But, we roll and we have to practice resiliency and make it through, like we’ve done plenty and like those before us did more.

This brings me to where I am now, feeling The Weeknd’s lyrics to “Take Me Back to LA” at 3 am so much that I’ve started thinking about the underlying meanings and how they could possibly apply to me. Well, here’s the thing, we all wish we could “go back to” something. For me, I often wish I could start college all over at ground zero. 2015, fresh transcript and fresh perspective, but with the knowledge I have now. Baby, I’ve wanted to do everything from be a meteorologist, school teacher, a fashion designer (watched That’s So Raven religiously,) a music major, an environmental scientist, a climatologist (hello, Dennis Quaid in The Day After Tomorrow, one of my favorite movies,) an engineer (my daddy was a civil engineer, but I hate math unless it’s money,) an artist, and an astronomer. I’ve always been a STEM girlie at heart, a lover of all things science and technology, having a natural affinity to technology due to being at that cusp that remembers floppy disks, Napster, the first Windows desktop in the home, and teaching myself all the major Microsoft programs and how to code at a younger age; will do that. But, I’ve long since just felt stuck through much of my educational career. I only really had a breakthrough my passion of what I do on the internet and through social media.

I love creating. I love making things. I love connecting with people. I love talking. I love sharing (what and when I want to.) My passions and love for things just seem to be all over the place. Sometimes, making it seem as though it’s hard to have a clear-cut niche or “persona” on social media, something people seem to enjoy content creators and influencers to have. Well, I’m perfectly “imperfect” when it comes to niches. I dabble in a lot of things.

As my future becomes a clearer picture in my mind, the happier I am that I am finally arriving at this conclusion. Everyone hypes up your twenties, but I’m starting to think your thirties are really where things ramp up and get good, and then your forties are GOLDEN. Not saying it’s easy, but that you feel more in control and more solid. You start to feel a little more stable. I, for one, can’t wait to test that theory. I’m laying the groundwork now, albeit a little late, but better late than never?

I can also finally appreciate that saying in all its glory. The most important part of anything and any big decision, chapter, whatever in life is just STARTING. Choosing to start is the biggest obstacle and it will continue to be an obstacle unless you learn how to conquer it.

One day, I’ll be writing y’all to tell y’all that I finally started living that particular answered prayer. I know I’m currently living in several answered ones as well, for which I thank God for daily. But, I also recognize He has a long way to go with me and He’s still working on me (I’m learning to be better coachable and malleable in this season of life, I can be very hard-headed.)

I pray that the peace of finding what sets your soul ablaze finds you and manifests a plan/course of action in you that becomes undeniable and unbearable not to pursue. But, my biggest advice? Learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable. It’s going to take some growth outside of your comfort zone that may give you the ick in the beginning. But, one day, it’ll be worth everything.